I'm not normally one to rush things. Or
rather rush into things.
I've
always believed firmly that friends come first! I keep good people around me, I
let the ones who don't bring positive things to my life go and I have zero time
for fakeness and bravado!
I'm a sharer, I share everything (you'd never guess I was basically an only
child, I say basically as I do have half siblings, but I never lived with
them), possibly too much at first, but this is how I know I can trust someone, It’s
probably a terrible way to start a friendship, cos I run the risk of
getting hurt. But I continue to do it anyway.
But when it comes to relationships with boys, or rather a boy I want to be
in a relationship with, I find I clam up, I find it hard to let them see my
vulnerable sides. I'm the Boss Bitch, totally in control of my life.
Even when I'm not. Even to the point where, as uncomfortable as I can be in my
skin, I can't go for a run with them, can't show me struggling. Even though
showing them that I can do something about the things that make me
uncomfortable which probably would be a lot better than me just saying no in
substations. Trying is so much sexier than not, even if it’s a struggle.
This time it’s different, this time I'm different.
About 8 years ago I broke up with a boy I thought was going to be my forever.
We'd grown up and turned into different people, I was chasing something
different, something I thought I wanted. I soon found out that wasn't going to
work.
Then
I was basically single for forever. I dated, dated for a few months, a week, a
night. But I knew none of them were right because things were still so
false. I wasn't letting guards down.
Then I met a boy the night before NYE 2016. It was a drunken night and he was
fun. We went on a few dates after, but I was so fed up with my life. Fed up
with my weight, my job. He went traveling and I dropped contact with him.
As is the way these days we had each other on social media and I had started
eating better and actually working out correctly and I started losing
weight and most importantly, feeling better about myself.
We
bumped into each other October 2017, again another drunken night out and we
linked back up.
This
time I was happier and willing to see what happened.
Date
turned into date turned into GF/BF.
9 months later and we talk about the future, both of us as open as we
can get but both knowing that things happen sometimes and nothing is
definite but both willing and wanting to take this as far as it goes.
According to friends (his and mine) the way we are together is
really positive. It's quite scary how comfortable we are together. But
neither one of us is blindsided.
I
have finally let him see me, let him see me sweat in the gym, he's seen me cry
(really ugly cry too) he's seen me happy, drunk, and stressed. He's seen me get
passionate about things, and bitch about thing, he's seen nearly every
side I have.
He
still looks at me with such wonder, I always ask him what he's looking at and
his response is always, "you".
This is where the race comes in, we've done quite a lot in 9 months, we've been
away to other countries for concerts, weddings. We've been on road trips.
We've danced around like idiots, we've smiled and cried and talked for hours.
We've talked about all the things we'd love to do together, and in general in
our lives.
I
want to race through all this to enjoy every moment with him, I want all the
struggles there's going to be along the way. I want to experience as much
as I can is this life.
But it shouldn't be rushed.
So I
won't.
Thanks for reading
Keep it Positive
Nessa
