It's ok, not to be ok....

But god I wish I was ok....

These past 4 weeks she been so hard. I've been putting on a brave face. But I'm hurting so much.

First came the pain. The tight chest and the constant pain in my arm, the not sleeping, I went to work, I tried to normalise myself. But I couldn't. Off I went to A&E, my heart, ohh fine thanks for asking.

But my mind, maybe not so much....

3 weeks on and the physical pains have left.
And left me so empty....

15 year old Nessa is back with a vengeance.
She's so sad but trying to be so happy on the outside. And I'm trying so hard not to push people away. I'm trying so hard not to say something to worry anyone.

I don't want to go out....Unless it a one on one, I can just about deal with that at the minute.

I know my mood gets low if I I haven't been to the gym in a while. But I went twice this week.

I've got a holiday to look forward to, but that's stressing me out cos I'm comfort eating and I feel like a squishy potato.

I need to do so many little things that they're looking like a small mountain at the minute. I don't know how to ask for help....